chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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