yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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