Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
