Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
