im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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