I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
