apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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