Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
