I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
