I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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