we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
