OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
