i just wanna soil my oats bro
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to stop coming to work sober
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
