Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
