I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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