I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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