I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
