i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
