I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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