It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
