i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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