Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
