is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
