The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
