i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
