I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
