dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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