ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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