She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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