If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize