You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
