she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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