I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
