Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
