The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
