Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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