If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
