My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
