the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
