32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
