I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
