smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
