He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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