cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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