I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
