I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
