so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
