I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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