Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
