I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
