Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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