I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
