she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
