i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize