I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
