you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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