If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
