She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
