Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
