I like my sex mixed with concussions.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
