I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
