so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
