Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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