it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
