He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
