A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
