it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
