Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
