He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
dude. I can hear the air.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
