If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
